numbed.

A friend said this to me :


ask me how i feel right now? Numbed. Tired. i do not dare hope again. i want to run away. more hope greater disappointment. I dun understand why he opened the doors and closed them again. i'm tired. really tired of fighting. my heart has been broken again and again. its easy to forget the pain wen i'm out and busy. Doing sth. Even stoning. Penning down my thots helps tho. keeps my mind from wandering away. Dun ask me what i'm going to do next. Becos i dunno. I cant even begin thinking abt it becos wenever i start the pain comes back again. You say its not the end of the world. And i know that too. But i need time. Time to find back myself. Find back the person who has hopes and dreams and a future. I feel emotionless. I cant cry. My tears seemed to have dried up. But wen I was back in his presence, the tap was on again. I couldnt stop. And mayb i din want to. I was questioning him the whole time. Whenever I think of his promises to me, and how i did not see it come to pass, or mayb have yet to come to pass, i just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or what if the faint light that I see is just part of me consoling myself. I want to go back to him and find faith in him again. As much as you try to understand, u nv will, cos u are not in my shoes.