desufnoc

yes seems like i have to start learning how to talk in riddles.so many things that i want to blog about to set my thinking strait.so many things that shud not be made known but yet i have to write it out becos i can only think better when i start rambling out my thots instead of letting it float around in my head so much so that my mind can just drift away to sth else and den ultimately i start thinking of more and more stuff until i feel like i am getting a headache and my head is about to explode. yes talking it out with my frens does help. but i guess things are clearer wen u start writting dem down. haa. just by reading this first para u can see how jumbled up my thots are cos basically right now i am just rambling and not making any sense. and english and grammer is of no standard at all right now so kindly ignore all the mistakes. i hope one year down the road wen i read back this entry i'll be laughing at myself together with you and not crying alone cos of regret.

I stand alone
Before your throne
My soul laid bare as I come undone
You're reaching in
Into my heart
Your light has filled my darkest part
Draw me near
To your throne
With angels all around Crying out
Touch my lips with your fire
In your glory may I be found
I wanna stay
I wanna stay here with you

This is the cry of my heart, and I pray that it is yours too.

I may seem so cruel to do this to you. when you need me the most. i left u. but I cant just go back to the way things were for the past few mths. we'll just contd living in denial as u have said. Its unfair to you. And i must admit i am selfish. I've been selfish. Everything is about me. How i feel. what I want. so much so that i've been taking you for granted. Its time i learn to appreciate you. Things have been stagnant for so long and its time to awaken my love for you. But i need time. I dunno what I want anymore. Are you the One? Am i the One for you? So many questions but i have no answeres for you. Not right now.

God above
You hold my world.
I see in you
My life unfold
Your face that shines
This path of mine
With you i walk
My friend and guide
Oh, what can i do to seal
This union i have with you
You, you are the God who will save
Cling on to all that you say
And for always
You, covered my life with your grace
Darkness you turned into day
when you gave your all
Away

I wish that you'll know that you are not alone.

I'll nv leave you. No matter what. I'm always here for you. No matter what there will always be a special relationship between us. A special bond. I love, because you first loved me. My first love, forever you will be. I've made myself vulnerable to you. you know me inside out. you know all my flaws and yet u still can love me. I dunno if there is another man who can do that. I have had beautiful memories with you. Unforgettable ones too. But yet , there were also heartaches and many nights of crying. I've hated you before. But i did love you too. I know what it feels like when your heart hurts so much you can feel the pain physically. I may talk as if I'm totally enjoying this new freedom i have but what you dun noe is the many times i just feel like telling you i still love you, or holding your hand, or having you hold me in your arms again. but i cant. I cant just go back to you now. Or else the cycle will not end. Maybe its a good thing after all. One year is not that long is it? I dunno. Its been 3 mths since our Japan trip. 3 mths din seem to have gotten us anywhere or given me any answeres. You dun deserve this. I know.