A downward spiral

edit/ its sunshine after rain now :)

A downward spiral

 

Not for the faint hearted.

I know that if I don’t get this out of my system, I’m not climbing up.

There are times when I look at people and I wonder why they are in a place of leadership. Yet as I sat in that room, something struck me. Every person seated there was willing. They are definitely not the ones who will complain about the location of a meeting. They are the ones who will go the distance to make things happen. As clearly as I can see their weaknesses, mine are even more evident.

As much as words aren’t my top love language, I find myself being so much more affected by them than I should. Words that won’t meant to hurt, lingers in my thoughts longer than they should. I start to think of my weaknesses, and self doubt creeps in. Self image was what the devil tempted Jesus with the most. 3 times, He was tested by the devil on his identity as the Son of God. And the same way, the higher we climb, the more we will be tested in this area. Yet we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with us, He too, was tempted and yet without sin. 1 Cor 10:13, No temptation has ceased you except what is common to Man, but God will provide a way out.

And I think He is doing that even right now.

Pastor Kong shared an awesome message on Saturday at Jurong West Church.

“The 5 stones that David used to slay Goliath”

Note that the stones were smooth…smoothen by the rivers of life and by the rivers of the Holy Spirit.

If only right now I can pick up these stones, I too can overcome my giant of self doubt. Well perhaps at the end of this long entry, I’ll be fine again. The loser isn’t the one that falls; it is the one who don’t get up again.

The first stone represents the stone of his past.

David remembered his past victories when he was just a shepherd boy, with his bare hands, killed a lion and a bear. God does not waste an experience be it Pain or Joy, instead he uses your background to give you strength and courage.

The second stone represents the stone of prayer.

The third stone represents the stone of priority.

Fourth, the stone of passion.

And finally, the stone of persistence.

 

Then there are times when I look at people and I see so much potential in them, but the potential is not being released, or rather yet. Sometimes, I think they will make better leaders; they are gifted with so much more, but at the end of the day, their potential remains as mere potential. In physics we learn that unless a force/action is applied, potential energy will not translate into kinetic (useful) energy.

Although this is what I preached to my connect group, and I can think of so many people to point fingers at, the effect of the word is hitting back at me.

When I’m down and emo-ing, I would be guilty of bringing my potential to the grave.

In many instances, I tell myself to not care so much about others, besides it’s not something that I want badly… but I end up being exclusive and looking inwards at my own happiness with the people I like.

This post is not meant to have a conclusion as most others would. Many a times, even though we talk about being real, we always portray our weaknesses with a solution. Sometimes even the solution is a façade-the model answer that we try to brainwash ourselves with.

But God never fails to surprise me. Just as I was going to end this post on a low note and head to bed…Just felt led to turn to this verse below.

We always talk about seeking to live out the purpose of our life, but in Ps 57:2 David says “I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.” God does the fulfilling! Not us! Whatever God’s purpose is for you, trust that He will fulfill it! Haha yays to one more promise to claim on!